Monday, January 31, 2011

Go eff ur.self...

My ex husband is hell  bent on making sure I know that he feels like it's my fault about Maxxton. He tells me that he and I both know Maxxton suffocated and It's my fault since I put him to bed and covered him with a blanket... Isn't that what EVERY mother does?? I was taking care of my son... I didn't put the blanket on his face... He blames me and it is hard for me not to blame myself... I ordered the medical examiners report to be sure that I didn't cause his suffocation and it says there are no signs of aspiration... That means he didn't suffocate, right???  I obviously blame myself for not being in there with him in the first place but my ex doesn't help this situation or feeling AT ALL... Is it possible to grow hate for the father of your babies?
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1 comment:

  1. AnonymousMarch 15, 2011 at 1:45 PM

    Hello Rachel,

    Oh my word. I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your precious Maxxton. My heart breaks for you. I too, have lost a child. In fact, I have lost two. My oldest daughter, Alexa, passed away in May of 1999, due to complications of congenital heart disease. She was almost 7 years old. Then, just last March, my dear son, Jared, passed away due to an accidental prescription medication reaction. He was 14 1/2 years old.

    So to say, "I understand your pain", please know that I do. I'm so truly sorry that your husband blames you for Maxxton's passing! That is so very, very wrong. It was NOT YOUR FAULT!! Your husband should educate himself about the causes of SIDS. You did not do anything wrong!

    I know how you feel there, too. My ex-husband blames me for Jared's passing. It just makes your heart stop in pain, doesn't it? Like there isn't enough pain already? It is so unfair. We are mothers. We would never do anything to harm our children!

    Anyway, I'm so sorry. I am here for you, if you need a friend, and understanding ear. This is a journey no parent should have to endure. We as "bereaved parents" need to stick together...

    Sending many hugs and angels your way...

    Sincerely,

    Julianne, Angel Alexa and Angel Jared's mom

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