tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63585526853602614632024-03-18T20:59:43.901-07:00Maxxton My AngelYou don't get over it, you just get through it. You don't get by it, because you can't get around it. It doesn't 'get better'; it just gets different. Everyday... Grief puts on a new faceRacheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-65872943181306184062015-02-17T16:17:00.001-08:002015-02-17T16:17:54.929-08:00Just emotional right now...So I was told that I am being "greedy" by setting up a gofundme page to have my tubes untied... I'm not asking anyone for ALL the money to have a baby. I have saved every penny. We have sold furniture, stickers, mugs, pretty much anything we can to get the money. Is it greedy that I just want to hold a baby of my own?? I'm sorry my son passed away from SIDS.. I can't change that. Very few people that even know me can actually relate to the loss I feel without my baby... If you remotely feel that I have one greedy bone in my body because of this, <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglAUx07uHgRpkOJcKA_X-7EQhW4Ik6cwvb_vWbx4cfFdzb82NsRTlg1-fR4ASdPTDVpStnJbCNtspu23wdHL1MlwB6FmJTmzBdlV41DBxmYWk1Mj2qtVfW5dj7VzIjnm8bqTY-7Sho6YA/s640/blogger-image-1193686679.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglAUx07uHgRpkOJcKA_X-7EQhW4Ik6cwvb_vWbx4cfFdzb82NsRTlg1-fR4ASdPTDVpStnJbCNtspu23wdHL1MlwB6FmJTmzBdlV41DBxmYWk1Mj2qtVfW5dj7VzIjnm8bqTY-7Sho6YA/s640/blogger-image-1193686679.jpg"></a></div>I don't need or want you in my life. I am saving the money with or without help!! It's just taking longer without the compassion or empathy from people. Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-30674945748093257142015-02-10T08:12:00.002-08:002015-02-10T08:12:46.908-08:00Baby - After SIDS loss - Please help meI don't typically ask for "hand outs" but I feel this is different. I need help... I need a void in my heart partially healed and this is the only way I can even think to ask for help. I hate asking.<br />
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<span style="background-color: #e5f2fe; color: #666666; font-family: lato, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gofundme.com/m41dfo"><span style="font-size: x-large;">http://www.gofundme.com/m41dfo</span></a></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvl0tDuisgHUU4m7L7EB9qOh2harITlrf-vwB_gQLvvkfT4hLdSZfk1X4kKafztPZJzlrcHWvEh1WPBq7UOAgpFj7mBW0gvClun07cIDSsK3xFi6onDyhdhA8zy81xM39tOQsrUyl8WXU/s1600/251173_103333799759884_5534244_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvl0tDuisgHUU4m7L7EB9qOh2harITlrf-vwB_gQLvvkfT4hLdSZfk1X4kKafztPZJzlrcHWvEh1WPBq7UOAgpFj7mBW0gvClun07cIDSsK3xFi6onDyhdhA8zy81xM39tOQsrUyl8WXU/s1600/251173_103333799759884_5534244_n.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: lato, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></h4>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">I have a healthy<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span>7 year
old son who always wanted a baby brother. 4 years ago, I had my second son
Maxxton. Life was good.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">My,
now ex husband talked me into getting my tubes tied. He had other kids from a
previous marriage. I had my two boys and life was going well.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></span></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Maxxton
was 6 1/2 weeks old when he passed away from SIDS. I have regretted getting my
tubes tied the whole time, but thought there was nothing I could do about it
and that I would just live with the fact I couldn't have another baby.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></span></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">My son
asks me all the time why I can't have another child, but I have no answers. My
heart feels like pieces are missing. Which they are, I know I will never get
all the pieces back but I know I can love and take care of a baby again.
There's nothing I wouldn't do in order to add to my little family again.</span></span></span></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I have
been saving every last thing I possibly can. We have sold un-needed items from
our house. Pretty much trying to get the last bit that we can. We would
like to have the surgery done in April but are<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>a little under $5k
short. </span></span></span></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I'd do
anything to be able to hold a baby of my own again. I am missing something in
life and I know this has a lot to do with it. </span></span></span></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">I
appreciate any and all help I can get right now. </span></span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
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Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-52504495033407712182012-07-24T17:28:00.002-07:002012-07-24T17:28:53.680-07:00Two years ago tonight, was the last night I got to tuck my sweet baby into bed. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you Maxxton.
I feel like everyone forgets that I deal with this on a daily basis. It's hard to fake a smile or laugh when most the time I feel like crying and hiding from reality. I can't even communicate it to my own husband how I feel. It wouldn't matter anyways, he wouldn't notice the pain or hurt in my heart.
I miss you Maxxton. You are and always will be my baby.
Maxxton Ryker Lynn Madill
06/10/10-07/25/10Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-35981853844424860682012-06-21T12:22:00.002-07:002012-06-21T12:22:42.830-07:00Raising MoneyRaising money is a lot harder than I anticipated. My plan was to have the foundation up and running smoothly by this time. But I am into this all out of pocket with no help so far and a long list of people wanting journals. I want to help people so bad but I can't hurt my family financially by doing so.<br />
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I am stuck on what to do? Do I move forward and keep pushing or throw in the towel and call it a loss?<br />
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I need some kind of reassurance I guess?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4KtFFSVFQXPEsU6-iJP0WOUyh1o3ssY-R5UT9L2ZFWlIEFdBrD6K47N3FuL15sVJzr76T8zPFv4V9RwGorhqY0vPXXN_-3BHwN2wQ4H4kKyJFwTwVJxbMClg9sA5arZS94D19NvgYWy4/s1600/imwithyou_new-logo-5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4KtFFSVFQXPEsU6-iJP0WOUyh1o3ssY-R5UT9L2ZFWlIEFdBrD6K47N3FuL15sVJzr76T8zPFv4V9RwGorhqY0vPXXN_-3BHwN2wQ4H4kKyJFwTwVJxbMClg9sA5arZS94D19NvgYWy4/s320/imwithyou_new-logo-5.png" width="242" /></a></div>
<br />Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-56504821357896877862012-06-02T21:09:00.000-07:002012-06-02T21:09:09.554-07:00Positive Journeys<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Svcij5lintpSHXPCxnD6a3P5O_flkV-B_pm37MjNyMdU1Xg1qn795whP7-J5VeytXIPldGRjVduxpPLlqCyLisTrxY_7dnRUEfxMK_lTaFojRXypTJ_v1K4IQ4uEPgqo9xeIursa6ms/s1600/521578_324317080954796_324309350955569_812048_1052097136_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="119" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Svcij5lintpSHXPCxnD6a3P5O_flkV-B_pm37MjNyMdU1Xg1qn795whP7-J5VeytXIPldGRjVduxpPLlqCyLisTrxY_7dnRUEfxMK_lTaFojRXypTJ_v1K4IQ4uEPgqo9xeIursa6ms/s320/521578_324317080954796_324309350955569_812048_1052097136_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
So much has happened in my life since the loss of my baby Maxxton. I am working on a positive journey for the future and being able to help others thru our losses together.<br />
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I started the Maxxton Foundation AKA "I'm With You". With this I am providing custom journals to parents of an angel. In order to keep this going, I have different items I am selling to raise the money. Some hand made, some made in bulk.<br />
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I just want to feel comfort and I have found that in helping others feel comfort. <3<br />
<br />
like my Facebook page: <a href="http://www.facebook.com/maxxton.co" target="_blank">"I'm With You"</a> or check out the <a href="http://shop.maxxton.co/" target="_blank">WebStore</a><br />
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Thank you everyone for your continued support!<br />
<br />
<3<br />
<br />
Racheal<br />
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<a href="http://imwithyou.maxxton.co/" target="_blank">Website</a><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AyGQuNnqieM/T8rjU7JKCSI/AAAAAAAABI4/beDdS6kzO18/s1600/pens.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="182" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AyGQuNnqieM/T8rjU7JKCSI/AAAAAAAABI4/beDdS6kzO18/s320/pens.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-67651407628822925182011-10-22T20:17:00.000-07:002011-10-22T20:17:51.263-07:00I miss you MaxxtonI love you Maxxton. I wish I could hold you and hear your cute voice!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGKeg_pf5DwIWMnYPU8zG38s6hmE1n_wOYvGyiP_7s3Wn3poJnYbqzaN40rSy5xuFKwN-Mfkh0_VCKyV78Pp8tAvdRWK8tkBrNJuR3cE6Rk42G_hz-7jV23rQ5euWB0VLOEMXSI2bYpYs/s1600/1rXFC-103-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGKeg_pf5DwIWMnYPU8zG38s6hmE1n_wOYvGyiP_7s3Wn3poJnYbqzaN40rSy5xuFKwN-Mfkh0_VCKyV78Pp8tAvdRWK8tkBrNJuR3cE6Rk42G_hz-7jV23rQ5euWB0VLOEMXSI2bYpYs/s320/1rXFC-103-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-30810134591201091752011-09-09T09:55:00.000-07:002015-02-10T09:18:43.688-08:00Why My Mommy Lies<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Ask My Mom How She Is</strong> <br />
My Mom, she tells a lot of lies <br />
She never did before <br />
But from now until she dies <br />
She'll tell a whole lot more <br />
Ask My mom how she is <br />
And because she cant explain <br />
She will tell a little lie <br />
Because she cant describe the pain <br />
Ask My Mom how she is <br />
She'll say 'I'm Alright' <br />
If that's the truth then tell me <br />
Why does she cry each night? <br />
Ask My Mom how she is <br />
She seems to cope so well <br />
She didnt have a choice you see <br />
Nor the strength to yell <br />
Ask My Mom how she is <br />
'I'm fine. I'm well, I'm coping' <br />
For God's sake Mom, just tell the truth <br />
Just say your heart is broken <br />
She'll love me all her life <br />
I loved her all mine <br />
But if you ask her how she is <br />
She'll lie and say she's fine <br />
I am here in Heaven <br />
I cannot hug from here <br />
If she lies to you DON't listen <br />
Hug her and hold her near <br />
On the day we meet again <br />
We'll smile and I'll be bold I'll say, ' You're lucky to get in here Mom, <br />
With all the lies you told!'</span></div>
Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-55520042703653401902011-07-21T11:56:00.000-07:002011-07-21T11:56:33.636-07:00Distance<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">"The distance between joy and pain can be measured by one heartbeat" ~Unknown~</span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"> </span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">I miss you so much Maxx!</span></h6><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwmuXtl4h-lFD57YpI4JhaJQhLi_CsBHQKKAAf3ACd5h-3I8XJ5RKcSl41uogrC9paMG2TqVyPvGQm0PugmNu08JG8aZ4XIuaeyrEDxWg06-QRARGyWOcWFU95L6WkMFkVFpy0J9Y9PPw/s1600/277760_247069391987168_196418163718958_959035_73893_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwmuXtl4h-lFD57YpI4JhaJQhLi_CsBHQKKAAf3ACd5h-3I8XJ5RKcSl41uogrC9paMG2TqVyPvGQm0PugmNu08JG8aZ4XIuaeyrEDxWg06-QRARGyWOcWFU95L6WkMFkVFpy0J9Y9PPw/s320/277760_247069391987168_196418163718958_959035_73893_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"> </span></h6>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-55992683934014533222011-06-10T10:32:00.000-07:002011-06-10T10:32:36.832-07:00Thank you!! Shauna & Lindsay<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Lindsay made this beautiful cloud for Maxxton's bday! </span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2WgRP6T2a3BMDG05GOozTYmnAGyMvsOdFjx6sDqr170n2CZYMw0yaMhb2F2ZFccPY24CfGhw0B7cx9iccJ2qIcJ_0t12jP1RupzppoCLIVukBM1eE0vVLnGJXud7hn2_CG63MnBYqtDw/s1600/254078_104057053020892_100002497929053_35614_180885_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2WgRP6T2a3BMDG05GOozTYmnAGyMvsOdFjx6sDqr170n2CZYMw0yaMhb2F2ZFccPY24CfGhw0B7cx9iccJ2qIcJ_0t12jP1RupzppoCLIVukBM1eE0vVLnGJXud7hn2_CG63MnBYqtDw/s320/254078_104057053020892_100002497929053_35614_180885_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Shauna sent me this for Maxx :-)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2OSnAVJLcM18eHRLIhYb3BwWp1cQorTX46N-jP1n-T4_EVMC8tlItRX6ZIkiA5G6OCa4SEkTm_uF4-Xovtwv_43ajIoMjj810XEQOn2hUb5DAZjK5qbdzq_HPCPMfK56ZVf-YJZMXMpU/s1600/IMG_0768.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2OSnAVJLcM18eHRLIhYb3BwWp1cQorTX46N-jP1n-T4_EVMC8tlItRX6ZIkiA5G6OCa4SEkTm_uF4-Xovtwv_43ajIoMjj810XEQOn2hUb5DAZjK5qbdzq_HPCPMfK56ZVf-YJZMXMpU/s320/IMG_0768.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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</span></div>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-39760938516470313322011-05-14T17:18:00.001-07:002011-05-14T17:18:38.641-07:00Maxxton's BalloonThank you Shauna for thinking of my angel!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjon99CNip1uu26LT44LnAuD_4htuAqv4gh2mn0QWEIqWW9ECX-_Fvhrl0RLgIqL6s8tnSarD9kHhQlAr7ioz7zThrF5NcbhQakGu89mE0lqyrGUO4MCVQ4z18D4afzs0ZMhGQa7Kmy5WI/s1600/Maxxton+Balloon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjon99CNip1uu26LT44LnAuD_4htuAqv4gh2mn0QWEIqWW9ECX-_Fvhrl0RLgIqL6s8tnSarD9kHhQlAr7ioz7zThrF5NcbhQakGu89mE0lqyrGUO4MCVQ4z18D4afzs0ZMhGQa7Kmy5WI/s320/Maxxton+Balloon.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-36238881660080530612011-05-10T08:41:00.001-07:002011-05-10T08:41:53.984-07:00Guilt is my punishmentMaxxton is 11 months old today. I wish I could kiss his cute lil cheeks. I can't help but feel extremely guilty for him not being here. The more time passes, the more "What ifs" I can think of. I am his mother. I was supposed to protect him. I wasn't supposed to fall asleep in the front room. I know if we would have just stayed at the lake that night, Maxx would still be here. I know this for sure. There are reasons I know this that I have never told anyone because it kills me thinking about it and the images of him that morning are burnt in my mind. It's torture. I feel like I deserve this torture for not being in the room with him. What if he was crying for hours and I was to exhausted to hear his cries in the middle of the night. This pain and guilt is my punishment for not being there for my baby. It's my constant reminder that he lived perfectly healthy for 6 1/2 weeks.Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-33753429259917437872011-04-23T18:08:00.000-07:002011-04-23T18:08:14.081-07:00Babies at Breakfast<div style="text-align: center;">Yesterday was my birthday so my dad and stepmom came to visit. This morning we all went to breakfast. Me, Raxton, Jason, my Dad and step mom. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
Accross from us was a little baby about Maxxton's size when he passed away. The baby was making his little noises like Maxxton had just started to do. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I want to be happy for people with their new little babies all around, but deep down I just want to trip them as they walk by. I hate this angry feeling I have inside. Everyone deserves to be so happy with their new babies. But why did I deserve to have mine taken from me? My perfectly healthy 6.5 week old baby - just ripped from life. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">My life will never be the same. I don't even know who I am anymore. How does Raxton handle it logically better than I do and I am the adult. It's just messed up. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpUDEetkKAGWeZTxpACwyKUHI6OJvTtRaorAn5De0KgkP6GrF3b2GYHXVX3AscUoVydV9iL5UCN0Av7BwwkgYcjEov_VymkM3reLOuf2rZM9dJQxI56EiATimWNXuk0FpmYh41n6lm-Us/s1600/2100123.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpUDEetkKAGWeZTxpACwyKUHI6OJvTtRaorAn5De0KgkP6GrF3b2GYHXVX3AscUoVydV9iL5UCN0Av7BwwkgYcjEov_VymkM3reLOuf2rZM9dJQxI56EiATimWNXuk0FpmYh41n6lm-Us/s320/2100123.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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</div>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-51513806337169624552011-04-21T20:45:00.000-07:002011-04-21T20:45:03.336-07:00Tears<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":"msg"}" style="text-align: center;"><span class="messageBody">There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love (re-post from SIDS LTC)</span></h6><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6_DtG1ejBb1cXADDqRK3lSrevv4uUSMjz4jG0p9jI3stFkWMDsK0vPu_5jY1AU9jP-q719ueoCU2P0phbPgfXGQaX7BeZ0sUTeJgPBJhyphenhyphenBsDPwZilIbuzI30qVH3-p-1ylp7XyOK4AqE/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6_DtG1ejBb1cXADDqRK3lSrevv4uUSMjz4jG0p9jI3stFkWMDsK0vPu_5jY1AU9jP-q719ueoCU2P0phbPgfXGQaX7BeZ0sUTeJgPBJhyphenhyphenBsDPwZilIbuzI30qVH3-p-1ylp7XyOK4AqE/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":"msg"}" style="text-align: center;"><span class="messageBody"><br />
</span></h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":"msg"}" style="text-align: center;"><span class="messageBody"> </span></h6>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-47014541646492741452011-04-12T09:46:00.000-07:002011-04-12T09:46:19.799-07:00The Guilt of GrievingA pleasant meal, a lovely night out,<br />
Then today I am wracked with guilt don’t you see,<br />
How can I smile or laugh with friends?<br />
When my baby is not where she ought to be.<br />
A TV show makes me giggle,<br />
Then laugh out loud and smile,<br />
Then the guilt… how can I be laughing,<br />
How could I forget, even for a while.<br />
I look at my son in passing, I’m proud,<br />
He smiles to me as if to say,<br />
It is ok to have fun now Mum,<br />
Please don’t feel guilty today.<br />
My partner beside me sees my tears fall,<br />
He knows that I feel guilty I stayed,<br />
That she is not now here with us,<br />
Curled up on this sofa today.<br />
My daughter strokes my hand,<br />
Looks into my eyes and declares,<br />
Mum we would have been lost without you,<br />
Then guilt that I gave them such a scare,<br />
This guilt it will be ever present,<br />
Why her? And almost but then not me,<br />
This guilt is it a part now of loving her?<br />
Guilt that this is not how it was supposed to be,<br />
So guilt I will feel for always now,<br />
That it was my baby that had to die,<br />
Guilt that it wasn’t me instead,<br />
Who grew my Angel wings to fly.<br />
Guilt that I can laugh and joke,<br />
When my Angel is not here anymore,<br />
That I can still summon a smile,<br />
When my baby, the one I longed for,<br />
Has her angel wings in heaven above,<br />
Guilt that I am not with her up there,<br />
Then guilt that I would think to leave my others,<br />
This guilt is just so hard to compare.<br />
I guess then this guilt I carry, the guilt of grieving,<br />
Will be with me now forever and a day,<br />
So I will have to learn to live along side it,<br />
This guilt that I got to stay.<br />
<br />
Christine Bevington 2011Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-62625085975671841732011-04-10T19:43:00.000-07:002011-04-23T18:16:45.317-07:00A SIDS Death<div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzt_C6usmnd-8W1Jaw7U7poi7FcLwRFEudINBq78cBkzd_scjlCPAg9pTeJ21wQ4iDsmYLmBwAi8trb2I8PKAlHA7-nW7igl2ler2EtTm4L_ICMCLpTASHF-oH_KojG68MKmQxsfRsmyI/s1600/205075_209097945784313_196418163718958_754401_6320602_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzt_C6usmnd-8W1Jaw7U7poi7FcLwRFEudINBq78cBkzd_scjlCPAg9pTeJ21wQ4iDsmYLmBwAi8trb2I8PKAlHA7-nW7igl2ler2EtTm4L_ICMCLpTASHF-oH_KojG68MKmQxsfRsmyI/s320/205075_209097945784313_196418163718958_754401_6320602_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><b>Parental Grief And A SIDS Death</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"> </span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">The impact of a Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) death presents unique grieving factors and raises painful psychological issues for the parents and family as well as those who love, care for, and counsel them. SIDS parents must deal with a baby's death that is unexpected and unexplained, a death that cannot be predicted or prevented, an infant death so sudden that it leaves no time for preparation or goodbyes, and no period of anticipatory grief. In many cases, parents of SIDS babies are very young and are confronted with grief for the first time.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">SIDS often occurs at home, forcing parents and siblings or other children to witness a terrible tragedy and possibly scenes of intense confusion. In some cases, the parents themselves are the ones who find the child dead and they must always live with that memory. In other cases, the parents may feel overwhelming guilt or anger if the death occurred while the child was in daycare. They may feel that the baby might not have died if they had been caring for it. "All too frequently, a SIDS loss is not socially validated in the same way other deaths are. Others often fail to recognize that, despite the brevity of the child's life, the family's attachment to that child is strong and deep and has been present in various ways since the knowledge of conception" (Rando 1986,167).</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">SIDS parents must take a journey that "involves a trek through grief-a strange and hostile territory that no one would ever pass through if given the choice" (Horchler and Morris 1994, 17). SIDS parents often retain strong feelings of guilt and sometimes a sense of responsibility for what happened even though they've been told there was nothing they could have done to prevent the death. Sometimes, parents are the victims of undeserved suspicion from law enforcement personnel, even family members, neighbors, or friends. In the most difficult situations, the baby's death may cause parents to be subjected to grueling investigations and hostile questions; they may even face accusations of child abuse.</span></span></span></span></div><hr style="color: black;" width="30%" /><blockquote style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><b><i>Probably the most stressful and anxiety-provoking act in human existence is the separation of a woman from her newborn infant. The response to this, which humans share with most of the animal kingdom, is an overwhelming combination of panic, rage, and distress.</i></b></span> <span style="font-family: arial; font-size: xx-small;">- RUSKIN, IN HORCHLER AND MORRIS 1994,16</span></span></span></span></span></blockquote><hr style="color: black;" width="30%" /><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">SIDS parents, relatives, daycare providers, health care professionals, and other adults feel helpless in trying to explain the unexplainable to other young children who may have been present at the time of the baby's death. It is especially difficult for children to understand why a baby died when it didn't appear to be sick. Also, in some cases parents are required to explain SIDS to adults who are misinformed or know nothing about the syndrome.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Any infant or early childhood death forces adults to think about their own vulnerability, but a SIDS death also brings with it total mystery, an absence of answers, and a frightening loss of control. The chaos surrounding a SIDS death leaves most parents feeling that nothing in life is predictable; a SIDS death throws everything off balance.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">As is the case in most traumatic experiences, SIDS parents are likely to continually replay the events surrounding the death over and over in their minds and in their conversations. Whether the parents put a seemingly healthy baby down for a nap or for the night or took the child to the daycare provider, they assumed their child was well and in a protected environment. They felt secure; their family and their world were in order. Then suddenly, everything has been turned upside down. Even though there may be attempts to reassure the parents that the baby didn't appear to suffer, frequently they are not convinced. They repeatedly ask, "How can a perfectly healthy baby die?" Often these parents are told that SIDS doesn't carry a high hereditary risk; yet fears about having subsequent children haunt them.</span></span></span></span></div><hr style="color: black;" width="30%" /><blockquote style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><b>[The grief SIDS parents feel is like a]<i>...continuous, crashing waterfall of pain...SIDS is a forced separation that will last forever. In the beginning, survivors are so shocked that their bodies and minds cannot even begin to comprehend all that has been lost...Shock and disbelief overtake most survivors so they can only vaguely feel their own empty arms and the rage that will eventually come full force. ...SIDS parents attempt to transcend the awfulness of [the baby's] death by choosing to celebrate the dead infant's life while not denying the physical finality of the death...[After a SIDS death, parents attempt] to travel the long road of grief to a place of rest and hope...SIDS parents must [try to] actively seek peace and joy in life-even in the face of a grief that will never end...</i></b></span> <span style="font-family: arial; font-size: xx-small;">- HORCHLER AND MORRIS 1994, 2, 16, 17, 248</span></span></span></span></span></blockquote><hr style="color: black;" width="30%" /><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">SIDS parents also are very often plagued by "if only's" that they are never able to resolve. They mentally replay such thoughts as: "If only I hadn't put the child down for a nap when I did." "If only I had checked on the baby sooner." "If only I had not returned to work so soon." "If only I had taken the baby to the doctor with that slight cold."</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">SIDS parents also need to know the value and importance of obtaining reliable information. They need to have access to professional support; and they need to be aware of the great benefits other parents have gained from attending support groups and sharing their experience or by expressing their thoughts and feelings in writing.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Moreover, bereaved SIDS parents often find that health care professionals are as perplexed as they are and cannot provide them with any explanation for the death. Although most health professionals know about SIDS, not all can provide parents with the information they so anxiously seek. They are unable to provide answers to questions such as: "Did my baby suffer?" "What are the possible causes of SIDS?" "What can I do to prevent another child from dying of SIDS?" "Are there symptoms I should have known about that could have prevented the death?"</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">In the case of some SIDS deaths, the autopsy findings may still leave unanswered questions, or the child's death may be attributed to causes that are problematic for the parents. Some families are subjected to agonizing doubts and delays from the legal system about the exact cause of death. The absence of standardized procedures for determining the cause of unexpected infant deaths brings added pain and frustration to parents already in the midst of a harrowing nightmare. Thus, SIDS parents are often denied the sense of closure that comes from knowing the exact cause of their baby's death.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">A single SIDS death can have a ripple effect on as many as 100 people who came in contact with the baby or the family. "The expanded circle of concern" (Corr et al. 1991, 43) can include parents, extended family, neighbors, coworkers, child care providers, health care and emergency personnel, clergy, funeral directors, and other care providers.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">SIDS parents and family members need to be around people who will offer them support in a nonjudgmental way; they need to know that some things in their lives are permanent and there are certain people on whom they can truly depend. Other family members, friends, or professionals can provide this sense of dependability and assurance by allowing parents both permission and ways to express their grief and talk about their confusion. SIDS parents need to talk and they need someone to listen-really listen-even if they tell their story, express their doubts and fears, and ask the same questions repeatedly. What SIDS and other bereaved parents are really saying is, "Let me tell you about my pain; let me talk about my child with you; please do call my child by name; please do not let my child be forgotten."</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Friends and family members should try to do all they can to show their concern and help the parents in keeping alive memories of their baby. For most SIDS parents, it is also reassuring for others to try to mention special things they noticed about the baby and to remember the child's birthday or the anniversary of the death. By extending these personal and sensitive gestures, loving and concerned relatives, friends, and caregivers can become a source of reassurance and comfort for the grieving parents.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;">Some SIDS babies are so young when they die that family members and friends never had a chance to welcome them. They may have missed sharing the parents' excitement over the birth and affirming the child's existence. Many individuals do not understand the depth of parental attachment to a very young child. Bereaved SIDS parents should not be made to feel that others don't want to hear them, that others won't permit them to openly grieve. The parents of SIDS babies want their child's short life to matter not only to them, but to their families and friends, to the others in their "circle of concern," to the world.</span></span></span></span></div><hr style="color: black;" width="30%" /><blockquote style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><b><i>The dynamics of a SIDS loss [mean]...there is no chance to say goodbye to the infant or to absorb the reality of the loss gradually over time; the unexpected loss so overwhelms people that it reduces their functioning and compromises their recovery...The physical and emotional shock of the infant's death undermines the [parents'] capacity for regaining a feeling of security; the SIDS loss evokes particularly problematic grief reactions, such as the abrupt severing of the mother and father infant bond.</i></b></span> <span style="font-family: arial; font-size: xx-small;">- RANDO 1986, 166</span></span></span></span></span></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoQ8Vpguz5Lu5ekAJ9Kdq6lEbIKOR_DuwWDLRzuZaRAtuS8487yLuZIyXmwufDg8zVq_6RXf3A_u2jTaFvgRgVYYTCYFZL7tQMEX7IDcin3A6jr41Md4OqkTMB3nUH4uUisU_BaGDPtaM/s1600/forever-in-my-heart.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoQ8Vpguz5Lu5ekAJ9Kdq6lEbIKOR_DuwWDLRzuZaRAtuS8487yLuZIyXmwufDg8zVq_6RXf3A_u2jTaFvgRgVYYTCYFZL7tQMEX7IDcin3A6jr41Md4OqkTMB3nUH4uUisU_BaGDPtaM/s1600/forever-in-my-heart.gif" /></a></div>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-23859546328493249762011-04-09T20:23:00.000-07:002011-04-09T20:23:20.847-07:00I miss you...Maxxton,<br />
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I miss you so much! Not a day goes by that I am not wishing you were here with us. I love you and I look forward to seeing you again.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtSB_cVS2bJNblk5tFtDB-hRhDJbplxeeD4rLKTfDePD_K_ktEmRJpvb5s3rTNRn5KCBC7BWF7v6GmYgFGfPmAprmsuSX86IL-UBrfYXLE8JDgmCBnubHyX3yGbHexycTCFl_ec3hpn2s/s1600/218076_209347412426033_196418163718958_756676_3850846_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtSB_cVS2bJNblk5tFtDB-hRhDJbplxeeD4rLKTfDePD_K_ktEmRJpvb5s3rTNRn5KCBC7BWF7v6GmYgFGfPmAprmsuSX86IL-UBrfYXLE8JDgmCBnubHyX3yGbHexycTCFl_ec3hpn2s/s320/218076_209347412426033_196418163718958_756676_3850846_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-65667617593135402912011-04-04T08:42:00.001-07:002011-04-04T08:42:52.650-07:00Those who...<div style="text-align: center;"><em>Those who are near me do not know that you are nearer to me than they are</em><br />
<em>Those who speak to me do not know that my heart is full with your unspoken words</em><br />
<em>Those who crowd in my path do not know that I am walking alone with you</em><br />
<em>They who love me do not know that their love brings you to my heart.</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"> -- Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)</div>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-29487849882483347942011-04-03T15:06:00.000-07:002011-04-03T15:06:25.927-07:00Pass Maxxton's balloon!<a href="http://tributeballoon.com/balloon/show/1042840">Pass Maxxton's Balloon</a><br />
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http://tributeballoon.com/balloon/show/1042840Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-24635190853389203312011-04-03T13:44:00.000-07:002011-04-03T13:44:40.566-07:00Just because...Just because you don't see my tears... Doesn't mean I don't cry several times a day.<br />
Just because you don't hear me talk... Doesn't mean I am not thinking about him constantly.<br />
Just because you got on with your life... Doesn't mean I ever will.<br />
Just because you stopped talking about him... Doesn't mean I don't wonder if you think of him.<br />
Just because you think I'm 'okay' now... Doesn't mean I am.<br />
Just because you don't call anymore... Doesn't mean I don't wish you would.<br />
Just because Maxxton isn't here, doesn't mean he isn't my baby.<br />
<br />
I am sick of people not acknowledging him, talking about him or letting his memory keep him alive... Me alive... I will never let his memory die. I need him in my life. Whether his body is here or not. I will never let Raxton feel like Maxxton isn't his baby brother. <br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwKhRbuuZ-aBn9FxhedYGfIL_-9Fji_U9KL1X47A9qgvMLvYG0KIFdpaqjS1hhgI35iJavAKmR8BPCX8aTS98vQaoJMa1mFpNAB37LOjoQ-L0kSra45LZ-vpm-_JuYDzV7wGEJnwWXrVY/s1600/angel-forever-blue.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwKhRbuuZ-aBn9FxhedYGfIL_-9Fji_U9KL1X47A9qgvMLvYG0KIFdpaqjS1hhgI35iJavAKmR8BPCX8aTS98vQaoJMa1mFpNAB37LOjoQ-L0kSra45LZ-vpm-_JuYDzV7wGEJnwWXrVY/s1600/angel-forever-blue.png" /></a></div>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-52804731998372496342011-04-03T13:27:00.000-07:002011-04-03T13:27:49.306-07:00Maxxton's Pinwheel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiurVYh8iTSVUfX0oYnh7qQcndQiCJsTIQdQ8_ZjPXpLX9a-Y-UwvrhkqvgXLs1mTqvdYgxaaTZ3eOBrqKGq_U-ZhHWKC40uOWXsTeXbRZpPttrziaeH27PSRsbnL3e-CBQvbWFncnfPL0/s1600/PinWheel.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiurVYh8iTSVUfX0oYnh7qQcndQiCJsTIQdQ8_ZjPXpLX9a-Y-UwvrhkqvgXLs1mTqvdYgxaaTZ3eOBrqKGq_U-ZhHWKC40uOWXsTeXbRZpPttrziaeH27PSRsbnL3e-CBQvbWFncnfPL0/s320/PinWheel.bmp" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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I just want to send a special thanks to Shauna Cox for such a beautiful thought of my little Maxxton.Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-41121392424921810782011-03-30T07:10:00.001-07:002011-03-30T07:10:15.818-07:00Obituary<div class="clearfix" id="obitHeader"> <h1>MAXXTON MADILL </h1> | <a href="http://www.legacy.com/guestbook/saltlaketribune/guestbook.aspx?n=maxxton-madill&pid=144334465&cid=full" id="ctl00_ctl00_ContentPlaceHolder1_ContentPlaceHolder1_ObituaryTile_VisitGuestBookLink" style="font-weight: bold;" target="_self" title="Visit Guest Book">Visit Guest Book</a> </div><div class="clearfix" id="obitText"> <div class="ObitTextPhoto"> <br />
</div><img align="LEFT" hspace="10" src="http://mi-cache.legacy.com/legacy/images/Cobrands/SaltLakeTribune/Photos/0000602691-01-1_191101.jpg" vspace="4" /> Maxxton Ryker Lynn Madill Our Sweet Angel Maxxton was born June 10, 2010 to Robby and Racheal Madill. He received his "Angel" wings on July 25, 2010. Even though Maxxton was only here for six short weeks, he touched many lives. Little Baby Maxx is deeply loved and missed by his Mommy and Daddy, his big brothers, Ryan, Mathew and Raxton; grandparents, Richard (Kris) Duerlinger, Judy (Scott) Madill and Stanley (Sherry) DeVaughn; great-grandparents, Ruth Harris, Sherry Holston and Kay Nyberg; many aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. Maxxton is preceded in death by his big brother, Robby Jr. and grandmother, Leslie Walton; great grandparents, Stanley and Irene DeVaughn, and Robert Nyberg, Richard Gillett and great grandpa, Jack Holsten. Funeral Services will be held Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 2:00 p.m. at the Valley View Funeral Home Chapel, 4335 West 4100 South. The family will receive friends at a viewing on Thursday from 12:00 noon until 1:45 p.m. prior to the service.</div>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-3674921106197481582011-03-25T13:02:00.001-07:002011-03-25T13:02:41.072-07:008 Month NightmareToday is 8 months since we woke up to find my little Maxxton asleep forever. and last night I had this really horrible dream. I don't usually have dreams like this, and I have never had panic attacks but I woke up in the middle of the night freaking out... My dream was, Me, Raxton (my 3 yr old) and Maxxton (my angel) were at a carnival of some sort. They were having a parade so I was telling Raxton to come with me and see the floats. Once we got over there, I noticed Maxxton wasn't with us.. I started freaking out looking all over for him. I had everyone looking for my baby. Hours went by and I still couldn't find him... That's when I woke up, freaking out. It's been a really emotional day. I am not looking forward to his 1 yr bday or 1 yr Angel mark... People tell me it will get easier but I just can't imagine how that is possible...Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-66405064266509654422011-03-21T16:28:00.000-07:002011-03-21T16:28:30.760-07:00:w.t.h:I am so happy and excited one minute, thinking everything is looking up.. Then I can't get out of bed and just cry non stop the next...<br />
<br />
I hate how everyone just goes on with their lives after everything was over, I suffer everyday without my beautiful healthy Maxxton here.<br />
<br />
I can't handle all this pain. Never felt anything like this. sick of people and their opinions and judgement.Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-31979988491433873652011-02-26T18:21:00.000-08:002011-02-26T18:21:15.472-08:00Just Say "I'm Sorry"<b><b><span style="font-family: Invitation;"><span><b><span> <span>You don't know how I feel; please don't tell me that you do <br />
There's just one way to know--have you lost a child too?<br />
"You'll have another child"--must I hear this every day? <br />
Can I get another mother, too, if mine should pass away? </span></span></b></span></span></b></b><br />
<b><b><span style="font-family: Invitation;"><span><b><span><span>Don't say it was "God's will"--that's not the God I know. <br />
Would God, on purpose, break me heart, then watch as my tears flow? <br />
"You have an angel in heaven--a precious child above."<br />
But tell me, to whom here on earth shall I give this love? </span></span></b></span></span></b></b><br />
<b><b><span style="font-family: Invitation;"><span><b><span><span>"Aren't you better yet?" Is that what I heard you say? <br />
No! A part of my heart aches and I'll always feel some pain.<br />
You think that silence is kind, but it hurts me even more.<br />
I want to talk about my child who has gone through death's door. </span></span></b></span></span></b></b><br />
<b><b><span style="font-family: Invitation;"><span><b><span><span>Don't say these things to me, although you do mean well. <br />
They do not take my pain away; I must go through this hell. <br />
I will get better, slow but sure--and it helps to have you near. <br />
But a simple "I'm sorry you lost your child" is all I need to hear. </span></span></b></span></span></b></b><br />
<b><b><span style="font-family: Invitation;"><span><b><span><span>--Gail Fasolo-- </span></span></b></span></span></b></b>Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6358552685360261463.post-91820539523787917182011-01-31T19:02:00.001-08:002011-01-31T19:02:41.423-08:00Go eff ur.self...My ex husband is hell bent on making sure I know that he feels like it's my fault about Maxxton. He tells me that he and I both know Maxxton suffocated and It's my fault since I put him to bed and covered him with a blanket... Isn't that what EVERY mother does?? I was taking care of my son... I didn't put the blanket on his face... He blames me and it is hard for me not to blame myself... I ordered the medical examiners report to be sure that I didn't cause his suffocation and it says there are no signs of aspiration... That means he didn't suffocate, right??? I obviously blame myself for not being in there with him in the first place but my ex doesn't help this situation or feeling AT ALL... Is it possible to grow hate for the father of your babies?Racheal Irene Tiemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04133706769493845522noreply@blogger.com1